Understanding the Dynamics of Change
Gives a Sense of Direction
Feeling overwhelmed during change is to be expected. Whether chosen or thrust upon us, it is disorienting and challenging. It puts us off balance and bombards us with a series of choices that have critical consequences. Understanding the dynamics of change puts things in perspective and gives us a sense of direction in turbulent times.
Though change is an invisible energetic force, it possesses an inherent form and structure. It moves along a tangible track as it takes us on the roller coaster ride of life. Change is cyclic, like life and death and the rotation of seasons. We may not be able to control it, but we can navigate the emotional ups and downs it creates.
An awareness of how change works came to me while going through back-to-back traumatic events. Within two years of leaving a bad marriage, I lost two family members, incurred a debilitating neurological disorder, and had to fight for custody of my child. I signed up for Hospice training shortly after a sister died in a car accident. My father was near the end of his battle with cancer, and I needed to learn how to cope with double-headed bereavement. Trouble was brewing with my ex-husband, and I needed to hold myself together.
It wasn’t long before I was in the throes of a major illness and complicated custody case. I noticed a pattern while transitioning through one change after another and several at a time. In general, change is a process with the same stages as grieving. My insights were inspired by what I learned from Hospice training and the pioneering research on death and dying by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.
The stages of change and the emotions they evoke:
Denial
Feeling numb is a common emotion during the onset of change. We have a hard time believing that anything has happened.
Anger
It is natural to feel angry and want to blame someone when an unwanted change occurs.
Bargaining
No longer denying that something has happened, we want to control the scenario. We make deals with ourselves and God to create a different outcome. We ask "what if" questions, wishing things had turned out differently.
Depression
It is natural to feel sad and longing for what once was. During this stage, we can lose hope and sense of purpose.
Acceptance
Grief over the loss of a loved one or way of life comes in waves. The pain gradually eases over time, making it possible to accept what has happened.
These stages are non-linear. They do not necessarily happen in one particular order. We can experience stages of change in different sequences and varying degrees. Regardless, they provide a navigational map.
If we can identify our emotions, we can figure out which stage of change we are in. Doing so gives a sense of direction and calms the fear of being in unknown territory. Recognizing an emotion makes it less intense and releases its hold. We can visualize an emotional characteristic of a preferred stage to help us get unstuck and move on.
We may not be able to control change, but we can be proactive participants!